Thinking of you

Everyday I think of you and wish we were together.

I did not expect you to call, but I hope you will call again.
I sometimes feel like you are reading my thoughts.

I worry about your well being in Korea, I know that your course is demanding
and on top of it all you are teaching to pay for your daily living.
If only I was in Korea with you.

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Your voice

Although I replied to your email, I cannot help anticipating a reply.

I want to hear your voice, even if there is nothing to talk about.
To talk to you and listen to you, but if I call, you will probably not welcome it.
You will distance yourself yet further and we are already so very far apart.
I want  to hear your voice, I can hear your voice so clearly in my head.
I used to dislike the nonchalant way your answered your phone “hello-oh” but in truth I miss even that.

I do not like this torture. I will try to distract myself with study.
People think it is ill advised to attempt to learn Chinese, Japanese and Korean at the same time, but I have my reasons.

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Why now?

I have been missing you, but avoiding writing I miss you, I miss you, I miss you.
It is repetitive and boring to read, besides, I want to focus on something else and my studies are beginning to fill that gap.

Today you have written to me again.
The last time you wrote, you said you have no feelings for me any more and asked me not to write to you so I stopped writing.

If you do not want to get back together with me, and have no feelings for me then why are you writing to me again? Just to increase the turbulence?
Should I reply? What should I say? I love you? Go away?

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Closing the gate after the horse has bolted

You once asked me to go to Korea with you, although I am not sure if you were serious, but I did not speak any Korean, had no visa and I was in the middle of everything in Hong Kong.
I told you that I would visit you in Korea, but it is too late now.

I can not change the past.  I started with my first Korean lesson today. (한국어)
It is like closing the gate after the horse has bolted, but I am learning anyway.
I don’t know if we will ever speak again or if I will be able to speak Korean if we should meet, even if I could it hardly makes sense to speak it with you.
Oh well, I hope it will make my travel in Korea a better experience.

It is sometimes very difficult not to call, I really want to talk to you right now.
I know you don’t want me to. I hate this self-enforced suffering.

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Missing you

Although there are times when my mind is occupied, when things are calmer, especially as the evening draws in, I miss you.
I miss you so much it hurts. I so want you by my side. It is torture without you.

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Hope is the enemy

She has left me and my teacher won’t teach me.
I accept both of these, but they torment me.

I make more effort than any normal individual can, something in me will not let me give up.
I can not let go. I hope when I know there is none. Hope is my enemy.

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Engulfed and overwhelmed, my chest aches.

Sadness, sorrow, engulfed and overwhelmed.
My chest aches.
These are not the feelings of love, yet I can not escape them.
Is this the inevitable consequence of love spurned and lost?

Do I still love or is it that I just feel the absence?
The feelings so strong it cannot just be that.

My feelings towards you are so clear and lucid, yet the situation so irredeemable.
I am lost.

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