When you were here and you explained what you wanted, logically I understood that
your career along with an unspecified time away in another country were not what I wanted.
To hold you back seemed selfish and the logical part of this reasoning made it seem correct to let you go.
My instincts though wanted you to stay with me, which I suppressed with logic, but as the logic faded and became less important the instincts remained. I would have thought it would have been the other way around, maybe it was for you.
It is my fault that you left, when I realised my mistake it was too late to get you back.
Although finally I understand my own behaviour, the sorrow has not diminished.
I understand events but my pain does not get any less. I wish my feelings for you would disappear. I don’t want to suffer like this any more.